The Day The Soap Met Sport

Ian Campbell v Stan Ogden


Greetings grapple fans, and welcome to the Viaduct Sporting Club, Coronation Street, for tonight’s main event, a heavyweight contest between the local lad, Ogden the Terrible and the mighty Scot, Ian Campbell. Ringside seats at seven and a tanner have been snapped up by the Weatherfield locals. ​

Weatherfield’s Stan was brought in as a last minute substtitute when Zulu chief Prince Umpala had injured himself with scalding fat in his Accrington chip shop.​

Stan Ogden had prepared himself for the bout by replacing his usual Newton and Ridley’s bitter with double brandies and words of encouragement from neighbour Len Fairclough, “Ian Campbell. He’s a lovely fellah outside the ring,” to which Stan retorted, “I’m not worried about him outside the ring.”

Warned by Rover”s Return landlady Annie Walker that Stan might be disfigured for life his wife Hilda reassured everyone, “I wouldn’t worry about that. Whatever happens is bound to be an improvement,” and then instructed Stan home for his meat and potato pie.

There was much anticipation on the street prior to the bout. “Some folk find bullfighting exciting, and Stan Ogden has less chance than them bulls,” declared Ena Sharples.

​Albert Tatlock remembered his time watching the wrestling at the Ardwick Stadium, “If things got a bit dull in the ring you could always gamble on half a dozen good fights outside that were worth watching.”

​With Minnie’s Lucky Pixie what could harm our Stan?

​Quite a lot actually.

​With Stan’s butterflies “Feeling like giant sparrows,” Stan’s manger advised his man, “With an Indian deathlock either submit or have your legs broken,” said Tickler.

Jack Walker gained an unexpected victory over Annie that allowed him to join the ringside fans and being a bit more vocal than Annie expected. With the Rovers Return deserted the opportunity arose for a moment of bonding between Annie Walker and Ena Sharples over a glass of Cherry Brandy followed by Benedictine, and a glass or two more.

​Showing an insight into the workings of wrestling wife Hilda called out “He’s more than that” as the Master of ceremonies announce Stan weighed just fifteen stones. “He’s got a look of Hackenschmidt, and he was a good ‘un” Albert told Minnie.

​Action from the start of round one. An arm lock of Campbell’s reversed as Ogden the Terrible threw him to the mat to the delight of the Weatherfield fans.

​Quickly followed by a tug on the Campbell beard; all to no avail as Stan was turned over and quickly submitted to a first round Boston Crab.

Round two began with Stan on the offensive before being subject to an Ian Campbell airplane spin, shots of Minnie and Albert bowing their heads and Stan’s ejection from the ring for the count of ten, much to the relief on Stan’s face.

​Stan and Ian Campbell may not have bonded, but Annie and Ena certainly had as they sang together in a deserted Rovers Return to end the programme.